Talk:Samael Abaddon/@comment-117598-20130806151439
So here's a little review of Samael Abaddon. My first thoughts were that he was an interesting character, but I'll break it down for you by sections to make it easier. Introduction - Short and to the point, I don't have a problem. I just wish there was a little bit more in the introduction to exentuate the air of mystery around him. Usually what I do is state who they are, what their moniker is if they have one, a little reason why they're named that and what kind of magic they use. Then I end it was what they're currently doing in your world. Again, nothing wrong with what you wrote, I'm just more accustomed to writing more but it isn't a deal breaker for me :) Appearance - Aside from his Demon Blood Magic, the reason he's called Son of Satan is because of his appearance, right? Just wanted to get clarification on that. If it is so, I would try and add a little more detail on what features he has that give him such an appearance. Maybe his skin is tanner or his teeth appear sharper like canines that make him appear more animalistic. You can even simply state that his appearance almost borders on demonic looking, appearing as if he is something not human. Just to emphasize on that Son of Satan appearance a bit more. Let me know if that makes sense. Also, maybe point out his color schemes. Does he like wearing a specific color pallete? Just little things to add to that section to give it a better description. From what you wrote, I picture someone that looks like Kenpachi Zaraki with really sharp features. Were you envisioning something like that? Personality - Just a quick comment: I think you were looking for the word persecution in the first sentence, since you repeated it later in the paragraph. I get that he's a loner, mainly because he isolates himself because of his appearance and how people view him. Deep down he wishes to find some sort of human connection and wants to reach out to people. But he's hesitant due to his previously stated issues. Maybe add how he acts around people. Is he socially awkward? Does he have trouble speaking to people? Does he stutter or have some other sort of speech impedement? These little details can really add to overall quality of a character. Also, since you put a lot of emphasize on his friendship with Kuzan, I would explore that a little bit more. Add a few words on how this one and only friendship that he had really changed him. These are just little suggestions, but you honestly don't have to change anything if you don't want to. I still get what his character is like. History - The history section is interesting and I don't really have any comments other than breaking it up into paragraphs so its not just a big block of text. That's just a visual thing lol Equipment - Could you describe what the ritualistic knife looks like? It would be nice to have a visual to this sacred weapon that he keeps with him. As for the vials, so these are the fuel source for his magic? Also, are they tied together kind of like a necklace? That's the visual I get for some reason lol Magic - I would check with the admins on how close we're allowed to create characters that are "demons" or close to something like that. I don't know about the deal with the blood not being blood, but more like Eterano, and if that's ok. But its still an interesting concept to me. For Blood Marking and Summoning, is there a limit to the size of the object he can summon? Blood Boost is interesting, though I'm a little confused on how it effects other people like pulling them in or away from him. Could you elaborate on that a bit more? It seems like all of his spells revolve around marking something to effect it. Maybe put that in the description as a set up to the spells. You gave good descriptions to your other spells but you seemed to skip over how Apocalypse is set up. It just sounded like it happens but you don't elaborate how its set up or the drawbacks to using it. Try to add that, maybe? Rampage is another that seems really weird to me. Like, how is it physically possible to master something without practicing it? Like I could know all the parts of a car engine, inside and out, but without practicing how to assemble it, how could you do it perfectly in one shot? I would rethink that a little, in my opinion. Physical Abilities - His physical abilities are fine. Your descriptions get the point across. My only comment, and this is more of a personal preference, is to add more to the section to give the reader a better visual and understanding of who this character is. Overall comments - He's a decent character and am interested in seeing his progression :) I give this article: 7 out of 10 golden banana stickers.